Survivor Survival Guide: “Company Will Be Arriving Soon”

“I want her to know I have her back, even though I don’t.”

—NaOnka on Alina

The merge* episode is traditionally one of the most intriguing of a Survivor season. Usually, you get each tribe buffering its fortifications and trying desperately to come out on top of the numbers. With Espada and La Flor each having six members left coming into last night’s merge, it could have been an especially significant episode.

*Does it bother anyone else that Survivor always uses “merge” as the noun and not “merger”? No? Okay, carry on.

Of course, it wasn’t really significant at all because there aren’t really two distinct alliances. There were barely two distinct tribes. There’s Brenda, Sash, NaOnka, and Chase—and then there’s everybody else. Dan is tight with Marty but no one else. Jane is close with the BS Alliance but not really “in” since she keeps voting for Marty. Purple Kelly and Benry haven’t done anything strategically yet. JudFabio listens to everyone but has yet to go against the group. As of now, there is a large group of castaways who are simply willing to go with what the group wants, which will be fine until we get down to eight and everyone is tied, in some way, to that group.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Cutthroat, Week 5 Power Rankings

“I would like Ty so much more if he were gay. If he were gay he’d be fun and, you know, bitchy. Now he’s just…a bitch.” —Paula

Ty: I need to lie down.

EMT Doc: You are lying down.

In case you couldn’t read my subtle imagery, that last quote and the picture are supposed to serve as a metaphor for the theme of last night’s episode: Ty’s view of things is upside down.

Throughout his confessionals, Ty kept pointing out how he likes to argue and provoke people, as if he were some kind of psychological provocateur constantly pushing people to their breaking point. Now, people do things like this all the time on the Challenge, but the actual episode last night showed quite the opposite: In two separate instances, Ty got visibly angry and eventually violent about things that the other people involved clearly saw as jokes.