New Year’s Eve

: any ideas?

: i just want to have fun

: stop

: i just want to have fun

: i get it

: all i want, is to have fun

: you done? happy?

: this is fun

: im sure it is

so im guessing you have no ideas

: i have no ideas

aside from the having fun part

: ok, i think i have one

: really?

: i think we should see the black swan

let me explain

: no

we are not seeing the black swan, together, on new years eve

: look, by this point, weve basically forfeited having a socially acceptable nye

we have to face facts

its gonna end up just me and you, two guys, hanging out somewhere

feeling terrible that were two guys hanging out only with one another

in a city with, according to the new census, some 8 million other ppl

: we are not seeing the black swan

: and i know i want to see the black swan

and you want to see the black swan

so what im thinking is, since were gonna do something that appears socially shameful anyway…

why not do something we want to do

: god, could you sound any gayer?

: sans context clues, no

and i cant imagine the sans helped

: its just not feasible

two guys cannot go and see the black swan together

weve talked about this

: i know, and i agree

but, two guys cant hang out on nye together either

so were already transgressing the…

…would you hate me if i used “Bro Code” here?

: not anymore than i do already

: so were already transgressing the purported bro code anyway

why not go the distance

: innuendo alert, AGAIN

: whatever

just look at this as an opportunity

to kill two birds with one stone

: i dont want to kill either bird though

im very pro-life when it comes to these birds

: among other things, am i right?

: smh

: dont smh me

: i just want to have fun

: the black swan is the only way we can have fun

come on…lets emerson up this nye

: thats not a verb

: whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist!

: i dont think i ever want to hang out with you again

and besides, idk if i can see the black swan this week

with, you know, the tragedy

: spiderman?

the blizzard?

: the engagement

seeing her masturbate just wont feel the same

ill have to pretend like im into mila kunis or something

its been a tough week

: shes not that hot

: mila?

: no, milas def that hot

natalie

totes not worth the adulation

: you and your types

: she was terrible in star wars

: who wasnt?

: touche

but like, whats she ever been hot in?

besides that one when she was like nine

: the professional

and she was 13

: whatever

: and showed tremendous potential

hotel chevalier

: ive never heard of that

: you saw it

it was the short

before the darjeeling limited

: oh please

that doesnt count

and you only consider it because she shows her tits

: oh im sorry…i forgot that disqualified you

has mila ever?

: idk

she was in that thing with zoe saldana

that was nice

: garden state may have been natalie at her best

she was so…

i suppose the thing with her is that

shes not, like, intimidatingly hot

: shes not hot at all, i think

and thats not an insult

: sure seems like one

its that shes got this approachability factor

like maybe shes not totally out of my league

: thats what i mean

hot implies this kind of transcendence

a kind of “i dont care how long i stare because i dont have a chance regardless”

: that sounds kinda creepy

: yeah, i really have to watch my word choice

can we go off the record?

: that would make this conversation seem even more illicit

if it was all of a sudden, OFF THE RECORD

[OFF THE RECORD]

[ON THE RECORD]

: so its settled, were seeing the black swan on nye

and mila kunis is way better looking than natalie portman

: sigh

i just want to have fun

: pick you up at 8?

 

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