Posts Tagged ‘christmas’

Why I Still Hate Christmas and Always Will

Christmas

The skies will rain fire, the oceans will boil, and the streets will run red with Christmas decorations…

Christmas is awful. Christmas is the worst. Christmas is evil in calendrical form. If the Devil were real, he’d look upon all that is Christmas, smile, and say, “Nice.” There is nothing good about Christmas.

Why is Christmas so terrible? Well, its badness probably cannot be adequately described in human language, but let’s try. For one, Christmas combines two of the worst things in the world: religion and consumerism. At Christmas, people are encouraged to buy a bunch of stuff they don’t need in order to celebrate the birth of a god that doesn’t exist.

But Christmas does something special: Religion and commerce, such potent forces for evil when considered separately, combine with such insidious synergy that they produce a holiday far more nefarious than the sum of its parts. It’s not merely that people spend money and believe in God during the “Christmas season”—which now apparently begins shortly before Halloween—since people do these things all year long. It’s that each of these things brings out the worst in the other. Continue reading

Monday Medley

What we read while wondering what it’d be like if we’d never been born…

John S Still Hates Christmas

John S explained why he hates Christmas last year (and the year before that), but it’s all still true:

It probably doesn’t come as much of a shock to you to hear that I hate Christmas: For one, I like hating things that are popular. More substantively, though, Christmas combines two of my least favorite things in the world: religion and consumerism. At Christmas, people are encouraged to buy a bunch of stuff that they don’t need in order to celebrate the birth of a god that doesn’t exist. Continue reading

The Three Major* Holidays That Often Come & Go Without Me Being Aware That They Happened

Yesterday was Flag Day?

*“Major” defined as being either federally recognized or nationally celebrated.

Yesterday was the Great American Bacchanalia known as Flag Day. If, for some reason, you did not attend a Flag Day parade in the morning, host a Flag Day barbecue in the evening, sit beside the Flag Day tree in the evening, and go to bed underneath the Star of Flag Day, then you are not alone: I, too, was not aware that yesterday was Flag Day until this morning.

Anyway, as the title promised, here are the three major holidays that often come and go without me being aware that they happened: Continue reading

Monday Medley

What we read while regifting…

This Day in Revisionist History: Christmas Edition!

December 25:

“Okay, I’m just spit-balling here, but what if we organized some type of Secret Santa?”- the rather feckless Lt. Cecil Farnsworth to his commanding officers during World War I, shortly after combat with the Germans was unofficially suspended in the famous “Christmas Truce.”

Cecil Farnsworth had been an only child, and with no siblings to compete for the affection of his parents he had enjoyed a rather privileged, sheltered childhood, especially when the holidays came around and he was spoiled with presents. But Cecil, if perhaps entitled, was also very generous, wishing to share the gift of Christmas with those around him. And it was this benevolent spirit, long engendered within him, that led to his naïve, entirely inappropriate question in the brief intermission of an otherwise savage battle. Continue reading

Why I Still Hate Christmas

John S explained why he hates Christmas last year, but it’s all still true:

Today is December 18th, which means we’re a week away from the 25th, the two-month anniversary of Christmas. So now seems as good of a time as any to explain why I hate this “holiday” with a fiery passion.

It probably doesn’t come as much of a shock to you to hear that I hate Christmas: For one, I like hating things that are popular. More substantively, though, Christmas combines two of my least favorite things in the world: religion and consumerism. At Christmas, people are encouraged to buy a bunch of stuff that they don’t need in order to celebrate the birth of a god that doesn’t exist. Continue reading

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