Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat 2, Week 1 Power Rankings

“We need some newbies, some fresh meat, because all of us are only getting older and uglier.”—Paula

“This is the sleaziest group of people I’ve ever seen. Is this who they are going to have replace the king of kings?”—Kenny

Aaaaaaaaaand we’re back! It’s been nearly four months since the final challenge of The Ruins, a seemingly interminable stretch in which we Americans had to do with only college basketball to sate our competitive spirits.

But now The Challenge has returned, and injected some new blood in the form of the titular “fresh meat.” Back in 2006, MTV aired the original Fresh Meat, in part to offset the dearth of new competitors in the absence of Road Rules, which has had only one season since 2004. That season introduced us to plenty of faces that it is now hard to imagine the challenge without: Evan, Kenny, Easy E, Ryan, Evelyn, Diem, and even Casey.

Of that group, Kenny, Ryan, and Ev, are back, joined by Danny, Wes, and Darrell (who were all alumni in the inaugural Fresh Meat), along with Sarah, Jenn, Paula, Landon, Jillian, and Challenge newcomers CJ (from Real World: Cancun) and Katelynn (from Real World: Brooklyn, best known for being the first trans-gender cast-member). Each of the alumni will be paired with an opposite sex newbie, and these pairs will be the only “teams” for the duration of the competition, so how the players get paired off is pretty important.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, Reunion

“You reach a point when you’re on these shows when you’re like, ‘I took a wrong turn in my life somewhere.’” —Evan

So last night’s reunion show offered the usual commentary on a season of the challenge: fights were brought up, feuds were explained, underlying tensions were hinted at and revealed. For the most part, though, it was a pretty tame reunion—pretty much everyone seemed apologetic and civil.

Also, the cast of Wes, KellyAnne, Brad, Sarah, Evan, Dunbar, Kenny, Johnny, Johanna, Veronica, Susie, and Katie left a little to be desired (namely: Cohutta). Our host, Maria Menounos, though, managed to get at some interesting revelations. Here are the most important/surprising/confusing elements from last night’s show:

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, The Granddaddy of Them All

My eyes can’t focus, let alone my brain, but I know there’s a good chance KellyAnne’s not going to be able to figure out this puzzle. I feel like if I don’t figure this out I might as well say, “It’s my fault we lost.” —Sarah

Every time there’s a puzzle you can count on this: Kenny, useless. Derrick, more than useless. Johnny’s so tired from this race he’s puking on the sidelines. This is a moment that could define the rest of our lives. —Evan

I feel like I’m part of something and I don’t want to leave. —Sarah

We’ve had people go home punching each other out. We’ve had people quit, and just get beaten mentally. I’m just happy that I wasn’t one of those people, because this is three challenge wins in a row for me, and I just want to dedicate this win to little baby Derrick, a.k.a. Little Awesome. —Derrick

Out, out, brief candle! / Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player, / That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, / And then is heard no more. It is a tale / Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, / Signifying nothing.—William Shakespeare (not originally said about Real World/Road Rules Challenges)

Ah, another Real World/Road Rules Challenge comes to yet another poignant end, as the tears flowed in last night’s finale of The Ruins. An upset was avoided, as the Champions managed to defeat the Challengers as expected, but how they did it was quite the surprise. It couldn’t have been scripted any better.

I obviously should not have been so cavalier in my prediction last week, saying that the Champions would “cruise to victory”; MTV knows how to organize a final challenge so that a team is only as strong as its weakest link. The fact that each checkpoint on the final challenge had to be completed by all team members meant that having more players was almost inherently a disadvantage, no matter who those players are.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, Week 9 Review

I look at our team and see four guys and one girl who have won before. I look at the other team and see one lying slut, some weird, creepy goth chick, and Casey. —Kenny

 

If I lose to Casey I should just crawl into the fetal position and die. —Susie

The week off last Wednesday certainly wasn’t pleasant, especially given the cliffhanger the last episode ended on, but it definitely paid off with a great show last night. The two elimination challenges that MTV decided not to show us two weeks ago opened this week with a bang: The tug-of-war between Susie and Kimberly—in the rain—seemed to go on forever, with both of them bloody and worn out (and yet still oddly attractive), until finally Susie (as I predicted) pulled the rope away from Kim.

The challenge between Dunbar and Johnny was slightly less epic, and more disconcerting to the Challengers, as Johnny sent Dunbar home (as I did not predict). This, of course, left the Challengers with the less-than-intimidating roster that Kenny described heading into the last challenge before the final.

KellyAnne smartly realized that, as this team is probably not going to win any challenges, her best chance at adding to her own bank account is to beat Susie and get her money, so she volunteered to go into the Ruins—if, that is, it’s up to her.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, Calm Before the Storm

One thing we don’t have to be thankful for today is a new episode of The Ruins, as MTV made the prudent, but still disappointing, choice not to air a new episode last night. But some of us still need our Challenge fix, so with a week off before the final stretch of the season, here are the ten highlights of the season so far:

10. Katie’s Departure

Finding a plunger in her bed was the last straw. One more Katie meltdown and an early elimination led Katie—now on her eighth challenge, going way back to the original Gauntlet—to contemplate her retirement from the challenge.

9. Tonya and Veronica Fight

This fight was kind of like a potential 2010 fight between Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield: It’s compelling to see an age-old rivalry renew, but at this point it’s just sad to watch. Tonya seems legitimately unstable now, and seeing her on these shows is depressing, and even Veronica seems to know these games have passed her by.

The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, Week 7 Power Rankings

“Sarah won. I’m glad we have someone that motivated and excited to be here on our team. God knows the rest of us want to shoot ourselves in the face.”—Dunbar

“Every time I win, I keep stacking the salad.”—Cohutta

Unfortunately, Cohutta’s salad is no more.* His massive bank account of over $18,000 was targeted by Darrell, who seemed unflappable in the elimination. Last week, we found out that he was a boxer, and now it’s revealed that he’s a personal trainer as well. It’s not all that surprising, then, that he was so calm while suspended above a tank of water holding 40 pounds of weights.

*Seriously, though, how cool are that guy’s idioms? Last week he talked about what kind of “shimmy” he had. This week he referred to money as “salad” multiple times. God, I’ll miss him. He added a whole new reason to watch the show.

It was more surprising, however, that Sarah was also so calm and collected. She hardly flinched while Johanna struggled to stay above the water and finally succumbed to the pressure. So now the teams remain technically even, if very lopsided in the boy/girl ratio.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, Week 6 Power Rankings

Veronica: You’re a coward.

Derrick: I’d be a coward if I weren’t standing up for something I believed in!

Veronica: You believe in me going up against KellyAnne?

Derrick: …Sure.

“It seems pretty simple to me—if a man’s got a real good shimmy about him, then he can win”—Cohutta

First, we ought to talk about the shimmy that Cohutta has about him, as he won his second straight elimination in even more exciting fashion. This time, he beat Syrus in a rather impressive come-from-behind win.

The elimination, which involved “shimmying” across a pole with your hands and feet locked in karabiners, seemed ideally suited to the agile Cohutta, but Syrus jumped out to a huge early lead. When it came time to unlock these karabiners, however, Syrus struggled, not realizing—as Johnny tried to point out—that you only needed to unlock one, at which point you could just pull the rope over the pole. Cohutta overtook him, and sent Syrus home, gaining the biggest bank account in the game in the process.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, Week 5 Power Rankings

“How is this happening?”—Wes

This question—in addition to going through my mind as I watched Cliff Lee completely smother the Yankees lineup and, even more surprisingly, CC Sabathia struggle slightly against the Phillies last night—was plaguing Wes as he struggled in the elimination against Cohutta.

Eventually, despite all of Wes’ macho talk about sending his girlfriend’s ex home, Cohutta completed what Derrick called “one of the best things to happen in challenge history” and defeated Wes. Apparently, Cohutta was the only one who figured out that the key to the challenge—in which the players had to drag a rope through a short obstacle course*—was not getting your rope tangled up. As a result, Wes got worn down trying to drag his pile of rope and untie the knots, while Cohutta took a pretty decisive lead.

*I don’t mean to denigrate it; it was actually one of the better designed competitions, since it neutralized size and required a modicum of strategy/intelligence.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, Week 3 Power Rankings

“I’m a strong girl, period. Even if I’m a rookie…I’ve come through in every challenge.”

—Brianna

Here’s why we need these Power Rankings: People on these challenges have no idea how to evaluate their own performances. Wes is convinced that he’s God’s gift to these challenges, I guess because he won The Duel three years ago. But he hasn’t proved that he’s a better competitor than Evan or Johnny or Kenny; his reputation mainly comes from yelling about his own prowess.

Brianna was under similar delusions in last night’s episode: She kept insisting that she was a great competitor, even though this is her first challenge. Her evidence: She had “come through in every challenge.” Well, here’s what the challenge in tonight’s episode involved: lying down. If you can lie face down and let someone walk on your back, then you can do what Brianna did. A carcass can do what Brianna did. The previous challenges haven’t really demanded much more from her. Not at all surprisingly, Brianna lost to Susie in the elimination.

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, Week 1 Power Rankings

Reviews of The Hill and The Ruins on consecutive days may seem a little much, but don’t worry: NPI still writes about issues unrelated to MTV reality shows.

When I saw that MTV had allocated a full hour-and-a-half to the season premiere of The Ruins, my first thought was, “Well, I guess someone gets in a fight.”

Alas, this season has no C.T., and Wes is all talk, so no punches were thrown. But the episode didn’t lack for action. Three things to note in particular from last night’s episode: