Archive for July 25th, 2009

BREAKING NEWS! Partial Transcript of God’s Testimony Before the Senate Judiciary Committee

SEN. LEAHY: Thank you for coming out here today to talk to us…

GOD: My pleasure Mr. Chairman.

LEAHY: I wonder if you could start today by talking about the concerns some members of this committee, as well as many Americans, may have about so-called “theistic activism.” What do you see your role as, if you were to be confirmed as the world’s sole omnipotent being?

GOD: Well, thank you, Senator Leahy. That is certainly a concern. I agree with you that it is a god’s job to apply the commandments, and not make the commandments. The role of deities is not to legislate from heaven. The role of any deity is to interpret the law and apply it on a case-by-case basis. I think every deity has to make a good faith effort, looking at applicable precedents and the text of the commandments violated.

LEAHY: So, just to be clear, you wouldn’t let personal politics play a role in your eternal judgments?

GOD: No, that’s certainly not the role of any ultimate judge or authority. My personal opinions about right and wrong are not to affect my judgments.

LEAHY: Thank you…Sen. Franken, any questions?

SEN. FRANKEN: Yes. Mr. God, how would you describe your own personal theistic philosophy, if you have one?

GOD: I think if I had to pick one, it would be fidelity to the commandments, or accurate interpretations of scripture…. Continue reading