Aught Lang Syne: Quotes of the Decade

To accurately and sufficiently summarize the Aughts, we at NPI have compiled and organized what we believe to be the defining list of quotes from this decade. Some of these were soundbytes, some were entire news cycles, some were quoted ad nauseam, some are poignant, some are sad, and most are hilarious.

“Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.”

–President George W. Bush, September 20th, 2001

 

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says: Fool me once, shame on… shame on you… You fool me we can’t get fooled again.”

–President Bush, 2002

“Our enemies never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

–President Bush, August 2004

 

“I actually did vote for the $87 million before I voted against it.”

–Senator John Kerry, 2004

 

“Yes We Can!”

–Senator Barack Obama, Repeated

 

“She is a monster!”

–Samantha Power on Senator Hillary Clinton, 2008

 

“Shut up! Cut his mike”

–Bill O’Reilly, Repeated, Most Famously to Jeremy Glick, February 4th, 2003

 

“I’m gonna let you finish in a minute, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time!”

–Kanye West, September 13th, 2009

“I apologize for calling you a slut. I shouldn’t have done that and I was real angry. I didn’t even mean like ‘you’re a slut’ like that. When I get up and start yelling at a girl, that’s one of the first words that comes out: You’re a slut. You’re a whore. You’re…. a cunt, twat. There’s a bunch of other words to say to girls to get them pissed off. So I just wanted to apologize for calling you a slut. You can apologize for throwing water on me anytime you want…..Apology accepted. This was a good talk.”

–Isaac, Real World: Sydney

“I want to forgive you…and I want to forget you”

–Lauren, to Heidi, The Hills

 

“Welcome to the OC, bitch!”

–Luke, The OC

 

“Dad, you can’t take revenge on an animal. That’s the point of Moby Dick.”

“Lisa, the point of Moby Dick is ‘Be Yourself.'”

The Simpsons

“Dad, how can Wal-Mart afford to have such low prices?”

“It’s simple economics, Stan: I don’t understand it at all. But God I love it”

South Park

 

“Her?”

Arrested Develpment, Repeated

 

“I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Arrested Development, Repeated

 

“Pret-ty, Pret-ty, Pret-ty, Pret-ty Good”

–Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Repeated

 

“Redick is now 2 for 16!” “Wow! That’s 1 for 8! Cuz you double 1 and you double 8…”

“Duke is outscoring BC in the paint 16-2!” “That’s 8 to 1! Cuz you double 8 and double 1!”

–Dick Vitale in two isolated games that occurred nearly a year apart

 

“But they are who we thought they were! And we let ’em off the hook!”

–Dennis Green, October 2006

 

“We talkin’ ’bout practice.”

–Allen Iverson, May 10th, 2002

 

“Playoffs? Don’t talk about playoffs. You kiddin’ me? Playoffs? I just hope we can win a game.”

–Jim Mora, November 25th, 2001

 

“I could give a shit about North Carolina right now.”

–Coach Roy Williams, April 7th, 2003

 

“I just have to tip my hat and call the Yankees my daddy.”

–Pedro Martinez, September 2004

 

“When I look at Boris Diaw, I think of Beethoven and the Age of the Romantics.”

–Bill Walton

 

“I’ll say one thing, she is attractive, oh baby.”

–Brent Musberger on Beyonce

 

“I’m hunting for little Mexican girls.”

–Karl Malone

 

“I’m not here to talk about the past.”

–Mark McGwire, March 17th, 2005

 

“I have noticed that many Internet people share a specific writing style: They tend to be bombastic and ironically detached at the same time. They really love certain things and they really hate certain things, but they always manage to remain outside the emotional investment that normally accompanies strong feelings. As such, I intend to do the opposite: I am going to be an earnest, emotionally vulnerable pragmatist. I won’t love or hate anything, but I’ll be hyper-intense about my apathy. As such, expect sentiments along the lines of, ‘Oh my God! Oh my dear Jesus who died for our sins! Mike Conley Jr. had an unassuming workmanlike performance this evening! He went 6-of-13 from the field with two turnovers! I respect his father’s triple jumping ability! Is love merely a human construction?'”

–Chuck Klosterman

 

“Everything that’s born has to die, which means our lives are like skyscrapers. The smoke rises at different speeds, but they’re all on fire, and we’re all trapped.”

–Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

 

“You really want to know what being an X-Men feels like? Just be a smart bookish boy of color in a contemporary U.S. ghetto. Mamma mia! Like having bat wings or a pair of tentacles growing out of your chest.”

–Junot Diaz, The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao

 

“…thinking all the while that this man was not only irritating but ridiculous, with the particular ridiculousness of self-dramatizers and poor fools convinced they’ve been present at a decisive moment in history, when it’s common knowledge, thought Archimboldi, that history, which is a simple whore, has no decisive moments but is a proliferation of instants, brief interludes that vie with one another in monstrousness.”

–Roberto Bolaño, 2666

 

“We all disappoint, eventually.”

–Joseph O’Neill, Netherland

 

“Money don’t got no owners, only spenders.”

–Omar, The Wire

 

“Deserve ain’t got nothing to do with it…”

–Snoop, The Wire

 

“All in the game…”

–Traditional West Baltimore, The Wire

 

“A man must have a code.”

–The Bunk, The Wire

 

“Why so serious?”

–The Joker, The Dark Knight

 

“It’s all part of the plan….”

–The Joker, The Dark Knight

 

“I…drink…your…milkshake! I drink it up!”

–Daniel Plainview, There Will Be Blood

 

“It’s time to prove to your friends you’re worth a damn. Sometimes that means dying, sometimes that means killing a whole lot of people.”

–Dwight, Sin City


Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

 

Creedy: Die! Die! Why won’t you die?… Why won’t you die?

V: Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof.

V for Vendetta

“You forgot one thing, mate: I’m Captain Jack Sparrow.”

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Jack Sparrow: [Wakes up and sees Elizabeth burning the rum] No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade… the rum!

Elizabeth: Yes, the rum is gone.

Jack Sparrow: Why is the rum gone?

Elizabeth: One: because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two: that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire royal navy is out looking for me, do you think there is even the slightest chance they wont see it?

Jack Sparrow: But why is the rum gone?

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl


“I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.”

–Derek Zoolander, Zoolander

 

“SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You’ve done nothing! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey’s uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can’t get the job done, then I will!”

–Jacobim Mugatu, Zoolander

 

“60% of the time, it works everytime.”

–Brian Fantana, Anchorman

 

“I don’t really know how to put this. I’m kind of a big deal….I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.”

–Ron Burgundy, Anchorman

 

“You’re my boy, Blue! You’re my boy.”

–Frank, Old School

 

“I wanna go to the rooftops and scream ‘I love my best friend Evan!'”

–Seth, Superbad

“It was pimp. I’m like– I feel like a pimp right now. Like one of those pimps.”

–Evan, Superbad

 

“She likes you. She wants to suck on your penis. That’s a good thing.”

–Evan, Superbad


“Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.”

–Pete, Knocked Up

 

“Listen, Coop – last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that’s great. But I’ve thought about it, and my thing is this: Andy is really hot. And don’t get me wrong, you’re cute too, but Andy is like, cut. From marble. He’s gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don’t care that he’s kinda lame. I don’t even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I’m 16. And maybe it’ll be a different story when I’m ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that’s where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you.”

–Katie, Wet Hot American Summer


“Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that’s funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny.”

–Mitch Hedberg

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