The Speidi Breakup

Sometimes something can seem both inevitable and impossible. Like the first successful moon landing, or the election of America’s first black president, thus is the feeling when news broke yesterday that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag had broken up.

On the one hand, anyone who watched The Hills or did merely a cursory overview of tabloid coverage of this relationship had to know just how dysfunctional it was. Spencer tore Heidi away from her best friend, from her sister, from her parents, from her career, etc. Basically, describing Spencer as “controlling” is a drastic understatement.

And yet the two seemed to have a symbiotic hold on each other. Whereas the annoying habit of using portmanteau names to refer to celebrity relationships—Brangelina, Bennifer, etc.—is usually just another way that modern culture shits on the English language, with Speidi it seemed like an appropriate illustration of just how inseparable they were in the public eye. Neither of them would have been significantly famous without the other. Spencer was notorious for his manipulative, God-like hold over his wife, and Heidi was infamous for her docile acceptance of what seemingly everyone else in the world recognized as nefarious manipulation by her husband.

Of course, people will inevitably ask if this alleged breakup is real. They have good reason to be suspicious: The two have been in the tabloids before for a fake divorce, and they have allegedly faked fights for the cameras on The Hills. Faking things for the cameras has, in some ways, been the defining aspect of their relationship: Questioning whether the divorce is real only points out how nobody has ever really been sure that their relationship was “real” in the first place. The whole marriage and courtship had the feel of a publicity stunt.

As usual, though, discussions of reality, when it comes to The Hills, are beside the point. Whether or not Spencer and Heidi ever actually loved each other, or whether they were each using each, or whether they only got together in the first place as part of an elaborately designed conspiracy, the conclusion is the same: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag (and it’s Heidi Montag, not Heidi Pratt) care more about being famous than anything else in the world. There doesn’t seem to be any difference between what they do for media attention and what they actually think and feel. They are like Nicole Kidman’s character in To Die For. Each of them has turned seemingly every personal relationship they have a venue for publicity. They don’t seem to care about the quality or type of media coverage, just so long as someone is watching and paying attention to what they do.

So if this breakup turns out to be a stunt, then nobody will really be surprised: It will just be another attempt to get people to pay attention. If turns out to be real, though, then it could mean that Heidi has actually fallen out of love with Spencer, or it could mean that she just no longer thinks of him as someone who facilitates her quest for fame. With Spencer and Heidi, though, I’m not sure there is any difference.

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  1. […] Spencer Pratt npinopunintended.wordpress.com […]

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