Gino Torretta Forfeits Heisman, Citing “Poor Football Skills”

CORAL GABLES — 1992 Heisman Trophy winner Gino Torretta held a surprise press conference on Wednesday in Coral Gables to announce that he would follow Reggie Bush’s lead in forfeiting his Heisman Trophy.

“This is, obviously, one of the toughest decisions of my life,” Torretta said while holding back tears. “But in light of the courage that Reggie showed, really adhering to the guidelines of who deserves the Heisman — and deserves is really the word that got me — I just thought I honestly wasn’t a good enough football player at any level to conscionably retain this trophy.”

Torretta then cited his 1992 statistics from a sheet of paper, seemingly expressing incredulity that anyone of his low caliber could win college football’s most prestigious award.

“I know we were a good team and all, but 19 touchdowns to seven interceptions? That’s less than a three-to-one ratio! Kellen Moore’s was 13-to-1 last year, and that dude didn’t even place!”

Indeed, after throwing 39 touchdowns and just three interceptions in 2009, Boise State’s Moore finished seventh. Torretta himself beat out San Diego State’s Marshall Faulk in 1992, a year in which Faulk ran for over 1600 yards and scored 15 touchdowns for the Aztecs.

Torretta was adamant, though, in pointing out that, unlike Bush, he did not receive improper benefits while at Miami. The Heisman is meant to go to “the outstanding college football player whose performance best exhibits the pursuit of excellence with integrity.” Whereas Bush forfeited his Heisman because of the “with integrity” qualifier, Torretta made his decision based on what he called his “at best lackluster ‘pursuit of excellence.’”

“Look, I didn’t take any improper benefits or anything like Reggie did, but my God, did you see that kid run the football? Remember that game against Fresno State?” Torretta said. “When he made that cut along the sideline, man, that was like the first time I combined yogurt with Fruity Pebbles — which is delicious, by the way.”

Torretta added that the thought of forfeiting his Heisman had never occurred to him until Bush made the unprecedented step on Tuesday. Once he heard the news, however, Torretta figured there would be a slew of former winners to follow in Bush’s footsteps.

“I’ve already discussed this with some other guys from around my era — Andre Ware, Ty Detmer, Rashaan Salaam — and I plan on calling both Eric Crouch and Jason White later this afternoon,” Torretta said. “None of us were very good football players, and if we hold on to our Heismans, we cheapen the award for the people who really deserve it.”

When asked if he was proud of being a sort of role model in this instance, Torretta was candid once again.

“You know, I always felt uncomfortable being a role model on the football field, because, well, I wasn’t very good. I didn’t want kids emulating my poor form and mediocre decision making,” he said. “Today’s the first day in 18 years I can honestly feel proud of something I’ve done on a public stage.”

Advertisements

2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by brouhahasports on September 16, 2010 at 8:36 AM

    First off, yogurt and Fruity Pebbles totally rocks! Even my kid knows that. Second, quite a funny post. Well done. Third, asking anybody for a Heisman back is gonna be tough, considering O.J. got to keep his.

    Reply

  2. […] funny and completely fictional article about Gino Torretta. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in The […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: