Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Cutthroat, Week 5 Power Rankings

“I would like Ty so much more if he were gay. If he were gay he’d be fun and, you know, bitchy. Now he’s just…a bitch.” —Paula

Ty: I need to lie down.

EMT Doc: You are lying down.

In case you couldn’t read my subtle imagery, that last quote and the picture are supposed to serve as a metaphor for the theme of last night’s episode: Ty’s view of things is upside down.

Throughout his confessionals, Ty kept pointing out how he likes to argue and provoke people, as if he were some kind of psychological provocateur constantly pushing people to their breaking point. Now, people do things like this all the time on the Challenge, but the actual episode last night showed quite the opposite: In two separate instances, Ty got visibly angry and eventually violent about things that the other people involved clearly saw as jokes.

First, Brandon made a joke about Ty’s sexuality after Ty made a bet that involved some kind of amorous physical contact with Luke. Brandon was clearly kidding, but Ty was obviously offended, insisting that, “It’s not gay to (bleep) a guy’s (bleep)”* and immediately challenging Brandon to a fight.

*Since MTV bleeped these words I can’t be entirely sure what he was saying (there are a couple of options that you can probably figure out), but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Ty’s claim is dubious.

Later, when Ty and his sometimes-bedfellow Emily got into a playful argument that involved her spraying him with shaving cream, he first threw a plant onto her bed, then threw the bed on the ground, and then apparently tried to crush her underneath it. Basically, Ty doesn’t seem like he’s pushing other people to their breaking points so much as he is reaching his own. Even Derrick called Ty crazy after that, which is never a good sign.

The challenges are another area where Ty’s sense of himself doesn’t really match up with reality. Despite insisting he is “clearly the most athletic person on the team,” Ty failed in last night’s challenge by falling immediately off the surfboard. He wasn’t the only one to fall off (Chet, for one, was injured in his own fall) and his performance wasn’t the worst (Brandon was DQed after a cramp in his leg kept him from finishing, in a performance that, as he admitted, wasn’t doing wonders to help the stereotype that black people can’t swim), but he was the worst player on his team and, as many people pointed out, Ty has screwed up in almost every challenge so far. You can only call yourself the most athletic person on your team so many times before you have to back it up.

With Blue held back by Ty and a couple of bad performances on Red, the Gray Team cruised to their first victory since the first episode, sending Red and Blue into the Gulag. The Blue votes were both unanimous: Ty for the guys, and Katie (again) for the girls. Red voted in Brandon (again) based on his DQ, and Camila (again).

The Gulag competition was, as TJ described it, “a reverse tug of war,” meaning that the two players had to push a pole against one another until one of them knocked down a barrel behind his opponent. In the first of a best-of-three, Ty basically annihilated Brandon, giving the first indicate that he is as strong as he looks. It looked like Ty would cruise to victory, and in fact he had Brandon pinned close to his own barrel in the second round, but Brandon dug his feet and held firm. He didn’t make up any ground, but he wore Ty down….until Ty, evidently so overcome with fatigue, fell over the chains around the ring and collapsed. TJ told him to get up but Ty didn’t even move. Eventually the second round was called for Brandon, and when Ty still couldn’t get up, Brandon was declared the winner.

The Girls match was much less eventful: Camila beat Katie pretty easily, but Katie felt the need to toss one more dig at Ty: “I don’t know why Ty couldn’t get up….”

But this is how we rank it:

Eliminated: Ty (Blue), Katie (Blue)

The only way to describe Ty’s performance this season was as a colossal failure. And now the Blue Team is left with only two guys, and five players total.

Possibly Eliminated: Chet (Red)

Chet was still in the hospital at episode’s end, and it’s unclear if he’ll return. And while part of me is hoping this is how CT makes his return, I can’t help but see it as totally unfair if CT is added to the Red Team.

Guys in Danger: Brandon (Red), Dan (Gray), Johnny (Blue)

I would hope that three wins in the Gulag buys Brandon a reprieve, but I doubt that’s actually how it will play out. And with only two guys left on Blue, it’s slim pickings for that team.

Girls in Danger: Melinda (Red), Cara Maria (Gray), Emily (Blue)

Paula told Camila that a win for her would keep her out of the next Gulag, and I think Paula will keep her word….

13. Camila (Red, N/A): …on the other hand, I’m not that confident in Paula’s word.

12. Luke (Gray, +3): Luke’s really making a name for himself in this challenge after a mediocre Fresh Meat II.

11. Sarah (Gray, N/A): I don’t know if she’s ahead of Cara Maria in the Gray pecking order, but she should be.

10. Tyler (Red, —): Did Tyler call himself the leader of the Red Team last night? Really?

9. Theresa (Blue, +3): Theresa was partnered with Katie in the challenge and did a great job of making sure Katie didn’t fall off the surfboard, and then coaxing Katie through the water.

8. Jenn (Blue, +1): Man, she was pissed at Ty for not getting up…

7. Brad (Red, -1): Brad falls a spot merely for allowing Tyler to think of himself as Red’s leader.

6. Tori (Red, +1): It’s so sweet how Tori cheers on the players of opposing teams…

5. Derrick (Blue, -1): I think he’s ahead of Johnny simply because so many people hate Johnny, but with so few guys left on Blue, sooner or later Derrick’s going to see a Gulag.

4. Dunbar (Red, +1): Jeez, Dunbar’s in the Top 4? This really is a weak Challenge cast.

3. Paula (Red, —): Paula gave Camila a nice pep talk…certainly better than Sarah’s from two weeks ago.

2. Laurel (Gray, —): Laurel was disgusted by Cara Maria’s inability to swim. Tell me about it.

1. Abram (Gray, —): The two sweetest words in the English language: De-fault! De-fault! De-fault!