Archive for December 25th, 2010

This Day in Revisionist History: Christmas Edition!

December 25:

“Okay, I’m just spit-balling here, but what if we organized some type of Secret Santa?”- the rather feckless Lt. Cecil Farnsworth to his commanding officers during World War I, shortly after combat with the Germans was unofficially suspended in the famous “Christmas Truce.”

Cecil Farnsworth had been an only child, and with no siblings to compete for the affection of his parents he had enjoyed a rather privileged, sheltered childhood, especially when the holidays came around and he was spoiled with presents. But Cecil, if perhaps entitled, was also very generous, wishing to share the gift of Christmas with those around him. And it was this benevolent spirit, long engendered within him, that led to his naïve, entirely inappropriate question in the brief intermission of an otherwise savage battle. Continue reading

Jacob Marley’s Initial Reaction to “Saving” Ebenezer Scrooge

No, I’ve just got one question: What the hell, man? Why him and not me? Why was it all cool for me to proceed uninterrupted into this nightmare of chains, but oh, we can’t bear to let poor old Ebenezer rot in the same way? What has he done to earn redemption that I didn’t do, except live longer and torment more people? Seriously, it was Scrooge & Marley. His name went first! He was the alpha miser! Why does no one else see the hypocrisy in this??? Where were you Ghost of Christmas Past when my salvation hung in the balance? Ghost of Christmas Present, you couldn’t slip by the old Marley homestead eight years ago and say, “Hey Jacob, might want to not carry out that eviction on that orphanage tomorrow. Keep doing stuff like that, and you’ll end up damned eternally, if you know what I mean.” And Ghost of Christmas Yet-to-Come, you could have shown me an image of this blooming farce and I would’ve altered my worldview real quick. All it would have taken was a bloody hour for each of you! One hour! But no, what was the money a little tight that year, so you cut back—“no saving anyone this year”? Were you down in Whitechapel saving some whore you sanctimonious chokers? No, I’m not done. Am I wrong in wanting a blasted explanation? Am I that off base in wondering why I have to help that miserable magsman when none of you saw fit to throw a little counsel my way?

Go to hell!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 109 other followers