“I don’t think Jordan necessarily backstabbed me. I think he stabbed me straight to the face.” —Theresa
Is a smile technically a “body part”? Is hair? No, of course not. The only body parts that really matter are the secondary sex characteristics of females. Unless you’ve got arms like Cara Maria, that is. That girl’s got guns.
These were among the many lessons of last night’s episode of Rivals II, which eschewed a physical challenge for a Newlywed Game-style trivia contest called “Frenemies.”* For all the work MTV does designing intense physical games (work that often pays off but occasionally backfires), it’s best games are often the ones where they just ask the contestants simple questions.
*Although, this being a Bunim/Murray challenge, it of course took place suspended over water.
“Frenemies” worked particularly well because the questions were all about each other. About 70% of the questions were about the physical attractiveness of the females (“Best body part?” “Girl with the best body?” “Trashiest girl?” Etc.), though some were about who was the “fakest” in the house or a teammate’s most annoying habit. This, of course, led to some hurt feelings. Jemmye, for one, did not like being called the phoniest person in the house and lashed out at Jonna, who just sat there and took it. “When she’s mad, she’s going to yell,” Jonna said, which is actually evidence of how not fake Jemmye is.
For the most part, though, girls just seemed offended when people picked the wrong the body part (admittedly, it was ridiculous that Jasmine didn’t pick Theresa’s “stems”; she’s got legs for days). Emily/Paula did as well in the mental challenge as they’ve been doing in the physical ones—they didn’t miss a question, and got yet another win. Camila/Jemmye, who don’t talk, fared the worst, getting sent straight into the Jungle.
Since it wasn’t a male elimination, the guys did not take it as seriously. C.T., in fact, refused to answer the “trashiest girl” question, for fear of unnecessarily alienating a female voter. The winners, though, were Leroy/Ty, coming back from almost being eliminated last week.
Perhaps the most important part of the challenge, though, happened before any questions were asked, when Theresa had to fill out the order herself. Jasmine/Theresa had been sitting on the fence all season, but when Theresa put Aneesa/Diem first and Emily/Paula second, she “officially aligned with the rookies.” It’s easy to criticize Theresa’s decision, which made enemies of two strong teams, but there was logic to it. After all, since the girls don’t vote for girls, the risk of making enemies is small. And if either Aneesa/Diem or Emily/Paula had lost by being put first, then a strong team would have been sent into the Jungle and possibly eliminated.
The problem was that neither of those teams did lose, and that even though Theresa aligned with the rookies, the rookies didn’t align with her back. Even though Theresa offered Jordan/Marlon a very attractive scenario—vote in Aneesa/Diem and, no matter who won the Jungle, the girls in the majority would be those loyal to the rookies—Jordan didn’t want to alienate a team that had been loyal to him. So Jordan/Marlon cast the decisive vote to send Jasmine/Theresa into the Jungle.
Theresa was not happy—she accused Jordan of breaking his word. And even though Jordan had already admitted that he broke his word, he suddenly denied it once Theresa started yelling. Theresa threatened to go after Jordan once she came back, but of course those threats were meaningless—the voting procedure pretty much precludes that.
In the Jungle, the partners had to toss balls over a net to each other while they were running on treadmills. Every ball caught was a point, but once someone fell off their treadmill, they had to stop. While Jasmine/Theresa got off to a strong start, a loss of concentration tossed Jasmine from her machine, and Camila/Jemmye were able to win Round 1. In Round 2, it was Theresa who fell after Jasmine tossed too many balls at once, and Jasmine/Theresa were sent home.
Now here I am! Rank me like a hurricane…
Wes really has issues with Theresa. What’s up with that?
10) Knight/Preston (—): “[Indecent exposure] is so something Knight would do. He’s probably already done it.”
9) Cooke/Cara Maria (+2): I’m actually impressed this team has made it so far, but as the numbers dwindle there aren’t many other voting options on the girls side.
8) Marlon/Jordan (-6): MTV is obviously foreshadowing some sort of conflict stemming from Jordan’s relationship with Jonna, and that could put this team in danger.
7) Jonna/Nany (-2): In Jonna’s defense, Nany does have a really great smile.
6) Leroy/Ty (+2): Last night was a good win, but they need to win a physical game on something besides a technicality eventually.
5) Camila/Jemmye (+4): A nice Jungle win earned some respect for this team.
4) C.T./Wes (+2): C.T.’s flown under the radar so far this season. Something tells me that will change soon.
3) Aneesa/Diem (—): In seven seasons, Diem has only been voted into an elimination twice. She lives a charmed life (in the challenges, that is—in real life she’s had cancer twice. She’s earned a break.).
2) Johnny/Frank (+2): Johnny needs attention. And he does have his own bobblehead.
1) Emily/Paula (—): You come at the queens, you best not miss.