Posts Tagged ‘plaxico burress’

The Worst Bad Guys

The Least Intimidating Villains Ever

The Miami Heat are the most obvious villains in sports right now, and quite possibly ever. Fans have wanted to see the Heat lose since before this season even started. It’s possible that someone outside Miami was rooting for them to win last night, but if so, he probably kept it to himself. EVERYONE wanted to see Dallas win that series. I barely care about the NBA, and I was thrilled that the Mavericks won. So far in 2011, my Facebook and Twitter feeds have demonstrated complete and utter unity only twice: Last night when the Heat lost, and last month when Osama bin Laden was killed.

The Miami Heat are the Osama bin Laden of sports.

And yet the Heat are not good sports villains. It is fun to root against them, but not as much fun as it should be. Continue reading

How to Buy a Sports Jersey

Good, Ehh, Lol, Ehh, So Fitting, Ugh, See No. 3

Good, Ehh, Lol, Ehh, So Fitting, Ugh, See No. 2

We’ve all seen them. We’ve all laughed at them. We’ve all wondered the process behind wearing them. Hell, we all own at least one.

They are Bad Sports Jerseys.

Here are the 14 basic Do and Do Not Do’s of sports jersey purchase:

  1. Never buy the discounted jersey of someone who has just left the team. There is a reason the jersey is on sale. This is acceptable if and only if it is a well-crafted joke. For instance, a Plaxico Burress Giants’ jersey—down to $20 last year—would make a great gift for any friend with a poor history of gun control. Even better: complement the gift with a pair of loose-fitting sweatpants and the promise of a night at The Latin Quarter. Then slowly reveal the Antonio Pierce jersey you bought for yourself. Nothing can go wrong. Continue reading