Monday Medley

What we read while not wearing hoodies in THIS weather…

• George Zimmerman was acquitted of all charges in the killing of Trayvon Martin last year. The reaction was intense to the closely-followed case. Many see the verdict as a statement on race in America, though a court of law is not the best place to look for morality. The state simply could not prove its case against Zimmerman, though the inequality inherent in the criminal justice system remains absurd. Jelani Cobb covered the trial incisively for The New Yorker.

• Speaking of the American criminal justice system, a hunger strike is growing in California prisons to protest the use of solitary confinement, which is widespread throughout the country’s prisons.

• Why should a democracy be worried about secret surveillance? Well, for one, the surveillance is apparently done by child pornographers.

• The Amtrak boarding process is the dumbest fucking thing.

• Siri talking to Siri.

• This week in oral histories: a look at the beloved 1989 Cleveland Indians. Plus, a retrospective on Big Star, in honor of the new documentary on the band.

• Why don’t you get toothpaste in hotel rooms?

• Obi-Wan is racist.

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The Onion and Apologies

 

Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but The Onion is kind of a cunt, right?

For anyone who’s missed the controversy surrounding the satirical publication, it began over an Oscar-related tweet that called the nine-year-old star of Beasts of Southern Wild a cunt. Within an hour, the tweet was deleted, but by then of course millions of The Onion’s followers had already seen it, and many had retweeted it. People like Wendell Pierce and many others criticized the paper, and the next morning its CEO issued an apology for the tweet.

Now, I should say that I don’t think the joke was very good: It was crude and simple and basically relied on the shock value of calling a little girl the c-word, so I can see why many found it offensive. But I also think the ideas behind the joke—that Quvenzhané Wallis is so adorable and beloved BUT that Hollywood often turns quickly and cruelly on child stars—-are perfect subjects for The Onion’s brand of satire. The product wasn’t good, but the thought behind it was fine.

Ranking Bob Dylan Songs, #44: The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll

Hey, remember the Bob Dylan Rankings? I haven’t done one in over a year and a half, but now it’s back (at least, for today). I’m abandoning my old self-imposed chronology, and I’m going back to writing about whatever song strikes my fancy. Today’s song: “The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll.” 

(Also, YouTube has really cracked down on Bob Dylan songs, so most of the videos will have to be covers or live versions.)

“I revere Bob Dylan, but is that an awful line, or what? Who in the hell philosophizes disgrace? Who does this speak to? Do you think there is anyone in the world who gets up in the morning and says to himself, ‘I think I’ll go and philosophize some disgrace today?’ What does that even mean? It’s not that it’s vague in the sense that Dylan is so often marvelously vague and evocative. It is more like it is specific but clumsy. It doesn’t sound good… It’s awful. It’s not a particularly good song, although Dylan’s admirers will soberly insist that it is a great song, and I suppose they are entitled to their opinion.” —Bill James

Yes, Bill James, I am entitled to that opinion. “The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll” is a great song—though not one of Bob Dylan’s best—and the clumsiness that James identifies is part of what makes it great.

“Hattie Carroll” is a remarkably literal song. It starts with the simple, matter-of-fact line, “William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll” (and by “starts” I mean it really starts with that line—the first sound, before any music, is Dylan’s nasally voice spewing out that clunky name), and proceeds to tell the story through a bunch of meandering, rhyme-less clauses strung together somewhat artlessly—the word “and” is sung 31 times. All the stretched out sentences and nested clauses make it somewhat hard to follow, but the gist is clear: William Zanzinger, a rich young Maryland landowner killed Hattie Carroll, a black servant, by hitting her in the head with his cane at a white tie function where he was a guest and she a servant. Though he was convicted of the crime, he was sentenced to only six months in prison.

Monday Medley

What we read while ESPN got a little carried away with the Jeremy Lin jokes…

• The Simpsons aired its 500th new episode last night, putting it up there with Gunsmoke and Lassie in terms of longevity. Of course, in terms of cultural influence, it’s probably #1. It’s common to rank episodes, but at this point it might be easier to rank seasons. For fun, try to come up with your favorite single quote.

• A graphical display of why aging is scary.

• The New York Times had an excellent piece on America’s expanding social safety net last Sunday, highlighting that even those most passionately against government spending are increasingly dependent on it. Some, like Paul Krugman, are quick to call this hypocrisy, but it’s much more complicated than that.

• Another cool Times thing: This interactive budget graphic!

• Linsanity is sweeping the nation! He’s making the Knicks relevant, and fun to watch again. Of course, New Yorkers are already thinking about how this could go wrong when Carmelo Anthony returns to the lineup. But the story has transcended sports: Lin has led to moronic columns from political commentators, and one of the most racist headlines you’ll ever see. ESPN has since apologized and fired those responsible for the headline… It’s just ironic, since ESPN had already spent so much airtime devising Lin-related puns.

• Comedy news: David Wain talks about his new movie, and Jim Gaffigan decides to follow the new Louis C.K. model for his next special.

• How Target can tell your pregnant before your father does.

• Goodbye A.J. Burnett. You will not really be missed…

• Speaking of baseball, here are the 10 worst swings of last season.

Monday Medley

What we read while turning down the Donald Trump debate…

• Tim Tebow keeps engineering miraculous comebacks (it’s almost making John S believe in God) and last week two of NPI’s favorite writers tried to figure out why so many hate him: Paul Shirley analyzed the racial aspect of the Tebow phenomenon, while Chuck Klosterman thinks it’s all about religion.

• Speaking of Klosterman, he ranked his favorite hair metal albums of the 1980s.

• You’re never going to guess who’s comedy album is ranked as the best of 2011 (unless you guessed Louis C.K., because it’s Louis C.K.). C.K. also released his new special at his website for $5. In other comedy news, Ron Swanson was named the best TV character of the year and David Wain returned with more episodes of Wainy Days!

• Perhaps the biggest sports story of last week was Albert Pujols signing with the Los Angeles Angels for $254 million. Friend of the blog Will Leitch was obviously distraught, though Pujols will always have a place in Cardinals history. As usual, Jonah Keri tried to break down the numbers.

• While Pujols was the biggest on-field story, John Branch’s three-part exploration of late Rangers’ enforcer Derek Boogaard may have been the most important off-field story done all year.

• This building may evoke images of 9/11 but still, doesn’t it look really cool?

• Oh potential of high-speed rail, we hardly knew ye.

• The Millions kicks off its always entertaining and enlightening “Year in Reading” series.

• Serious Eats’ on Bad Good and Good Bad pizza.

• So, um, this is pretty racist. And so is this.

• ESPN’s Tim Keown laments the ossification of the sports interview.

The Drawing Board: The Death Penalty

There’s a new fad sweeping the nation, and for once I’m ahead of the curve. It’s called the death penalty, and it’s the reason you woke up this morning with your face intact. Where at one time an escaped serial killer would more than likely have murdered you in gruesome fashion while you slept, you’re now probably going to live, so you can finally relax. No more revising your last will and testament every night. No more questioning why you’re setting your alarm when you’ll probably be long dead by the time it goes off. No more putting on your best-looking clothes before bed so you’ll look nice in case you die and an attractive stranger finds your body. And who can we thank for these lifted burdens? Well, there’s some debate as to who created the death penalty, but it’s probably safe to say they got the idea from YouTube.

But what is the death penalty? Well, here’s how the whole thing works: A guy kills somebody, the government kills him, and now the guy can’t kill anybody else, see? Sure, the government keeps killing, but they stop once all the killers are gone, except for themselves. So it’s not a perfect system, but it reduces the number of killers in the world from millions of disparate, elusive individuals to a single, unstoppable nationwide entity with utter legal supremacy. Get it?

In Defense of Rand Paul (Kind Of)

It’s not often that a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat in Kentucky becomes a national political figure, but Rand Paul has been in the news a lot lately. First, it was for his surprising and convincing (and surprisingly convincing) win in the Republican primary for a Kentucky Senate seat two weeks ago, and then it was for his controversial statements about the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

Basically, what Paul said about the Civil Rights Act, first on NPR and then on The Rachel Maddow Show, was that he did not support the Act’s regulation of private business, even though he stands behind the spirit of the bill and supports all the provisions of it that desegregate public institutions and repeal Jim Crow laws. Basically, there are 10 Titles of the Civil Rights Act, and Paul said he didn’t support Title II.

Now, I don’t agree with Paul’s view at all, but it’s not surprising or offensive to me. In fact, it’s perfectly consistent with Paul’s libertarian beliefs: Libertarians do not want the federal government to interfere with private business, and federally mandated desegregation of private businesses constitutes a regulation. Even though I disagree, I initially admired Paul’s intellectual consistency—unfortunately since the media hubbub about his comments, Paul has backed away from that intellectual fidelity. It’s also important to note that Paul did not say he wanted to repeal the Civil Rights Act of 1964, or even that he would have voted against the whole Act had he been in Congress at the time—he only said he had legitimate problems with one aspect of the law.