Posts Tagged ‘shopping’

John S Still Hates Christmas

John S explained why he hates Christmas last year (and the year before that), but it’s all still true:

It probably doesn’t come as much of a shock to you to hear that I hate Christmas: For one, I like hating things that are popular. More substantively, though, Christmas combines two of my least favorite things in the world: religion and consumerism. At Christmas, people are encouraged to buy a bunch of stuff that they don’t need in order to celebrate the birth of a god that doesn’t exist. Continue reading

Going Shopping

Dear Retail Clerks,

I am fine. I am always fine when you ask. How are you? I never care how you are. I don’t need your help right now. Does anyone ever require your assistance this quickly? I know to ask if I do need your help. You’re not that difficult to find. I am aware of your sales. If they are not the reason I am here, I can see them advertised–often ostentatiously–throughout your store. Please don’t follow up with me. I can find everything okay. Your store is neither that large nor complexly laid out. If I require a fitting room, I will find it on my own, and then I will consult with your colleague who is relegated to that area. I do not want to sign up for your special membership card, even if it’s free and especially if it only takes a minute.

And yes, I want the receipt in the bag. Everyone does.

You too,