Dear Toronto and All Toronto Raptors Fans, Regardless of Your Present Location;
As you may have heard, our former “hero” Chris Bosh went to Miami after a prolonged, egotistical campaign played out mainly through his let’s-be-honest boring Twitter account.
I want you to know that I, like you, am not in any way devastated by this decision. In fact, I’m not even mad. I’m pretty cool with how it all went down.
I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE TORONTO RAPTORS WILL NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS WITHOUT CHRIS, JUST AS WE DIDN’T MAKE THE PLAYOFFS IN FIVE OF THE SEVEN SEASONS WITH CHRIS!
Furthermore, I’m very confident that our newest first-round pick, Ed Davis, can fill Chris’s shoes, since, like Chris, Ed was unable to lead his team to the NCAA Tournament.
Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day.
SERIOUSLY!
Your owner,
Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, Ltd.
No Pun Intended 